I use to think that people out here on the field are the chosen or perfect Christians that supersede all those that sit in the pews on Sunday. The fact is we ain’t. Speaking as one now in the field, I wake up just like you every morning tired desiring sleep. Sometimes, in my time in the Word I’m thinking this is what I have to do, right? What is true is that we all broken. The people I’m with, me, and you are sinners just trying to reach a nation, a world, that fears the truth. I ain’t a afraid to admit. I too lack faith in God. This past month I been having to examine my heart and deal with issues, hurts, idols I keep buried there. Needless to say it has been rough month. I feel that those who are new to following God need an example of how great and loving our Father can be, but at times during your walk you may have doubt.
Every Monday is our off day over here. My Monday routine:
- Wake up and check fantasy to see how my team did while I slept.
- Watch the Saints game or another football game currently playing.
- Fuzhu (a special tofu with peppers) and siji dou (spicy green beans) every Monday for lunch.
- Come home and nap.
- Wake up and watch latest episode of Walking Dead.
- Go for a bike ride or walk with God.
- Go shopping to restock on fresh fruit
- End the day with dinner with the other members on University island or at restaurant in the city.
- Watch a movie
Today’s Monday was different to say the least. I woke up extremely tired that after checking the fantasy points I knocked back out for 3 hours. After lunch where I chose cabbage instead of green beans I passed back out for 3 hours. Realizing how I wasted majority of my day I knew I needed some time with God, reading His Word as well as desperately needing to hear from Him. I remember those days where it was the biggest opposition finding time to read the bible. “It’s boring and makes no sense” used to be my excuse. I hear and realize that’s how it is for everybody in the beginning. On the walk to the market I was jamming to that new J. Monty, and the lyrics were speaking to my soul and thoughts….
Hold that thought, Before I tell you about my walk… I love the picture I found! I don’t know if I’m the only Christian out there, but when I want to hear or see Him, my mind wants something to the extent of that picture: His hand reaching down from the heavens. Shhh, when deciding on China and I needed the yes or no from Him, I really wanted to see the clouds form a “yes” or an apparition from the man above to tell me, “you need to go.” hahahahaha I know. Oh ye of lil faith! I know God can appear like that since I have heard some great stories of His glory and speaking to brothers and sisters throughout the world, but the truth is it’s not always like that. It’s call faith. Now just because we can’t see or hear Him doesn’t mean He has forsaken us. I learned this a couple of hours ago…
I started praying during my walk asking God, “Why? Why do I have to suffer? Why did you lead me here to learn? What does this time have to teach me?” Whining like a lil child smh Anywho, I kept walking, sat down, and read a bit from Mark 10. The rich young man asking Jesus how he can inherit eternal life. Walking away I started pondering what would I not give up, if God asked me to let go That list I had wasn’t pretty. Selfishness is going to be something I constantly battle. Then I listened to a podcast from back home on idols and the need of self examination. Now like any weary Christian I’m hearing how I need to give up things I love; idols are deep rooted in the heart that challenge God’s purpose and refocus your attention away from God. After having a day of not hearing God, Damn straight I was pissed! At myself and Our Father! It led me to shout out loud, “You say you are here never leaving me alone. I know you are here, but I need to hear from you about this path I’m on.” ….Silence.
As I kept listening to the podcast I returned home, got my bike, and took off to the bakery. Sitting in the bakery I started reading Pilgrim’s Progress when I heard a still voice say, “Hebrews 11” I read Hebrews 11 and was like great… but I decided to continue on to Hebrews 12. As I read Hebrews 12, there was God! Holy Spirit took verses 3-8 and just took them to smack my little faith. Just go read Hebrews 12. There’s so much there…just go READ IT. The best part was as I’m reading through verse 22 and the song playing off Spotify is saying the EXACT WORDS I’M READING ALONG TOO!! The Lord works in mysterious ways and you can chalk it up to coincidence, but for me I felt and knew that was Him speaking to me.
Young brother or sister reading this, I want to give you hope, if you’re scared that you have no idea what’s going on with your life. I have no idea the amount of mockery, tribulations, and temptations that lie ahead of us, but who we have is the Creator of the Universe, the Holy God of our forefathers, our Savior who is on our side. He is with us and for us! He guides us on path’s of righteousness for His name’s sake. No matter how hard the road will get, God will protect us and see us through.
“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” — Hebrews 12:11