“Christians are not relevant to the world because they look just like it. Christians are relevant to the world because they offer a viable alternative of how to live”–Paul Washer
Closing up my second month stateside can best describe my feels: annoying, fun, crippling, depressing, encouraging, amazing, hopeful, excited, curious etc… It’s that ole so fun season of support raising yet again. Knowing this was a season I was going to have to reenter you could be thinking, “bro, you knew this. This shouldn’t be a surprise. If you didn’t want to do this again then why commit for 4 years?” My flesh is quite loud sometimes. I don’t know where you stand in your walk or if you even believe in a higher being who created you, but luckily when I begin to sway from set life choices that Big Man Upstairs loves to rock my reality and give me a good kick in the right direction. Maybe portraying Him as a violent dude might not work for you but it does for me.
When I say my reality I mean literally that. Throughout this process of support I’m being challenged to make some hard phone calls. My mind is like, “J, you really got this wrong. He is not going to give me the time of day. They are already anti this career and life you leading me. Why are you leading me and pressing my heart into a discouraging convo? Why must I ask?” Now, grant it I know I’m thinking in the world mindset. A perk following Christ is as you mature you simply start getting wise to when your old flesh self is being louder then His voice or your new self in the Spirit. Well low and behold I can do the only thing I have learned in the pickle I’m in, “Holy Spirit, you know what I’m asked. This doesn’t surprise you as well I can admit I, LITERALLY, do not want to do this. If you say call, I need your help to make this call. Every fiber in my body says this is bullshit and going to end in hurt. Go into their heart. Help me in this call. Guard my heart. I am going to trust your moving and make the call. Be here and make it known.”
Pshh if you been in a position of living off support then you can relate to my prayer and worldly mindset or maybe you can’t. What excites me is even though the phone call didn’t lead into an oh so exuberant donation, it was different then what I imagined. Follow me with this train of thought: I know this person has a lot of money. I’m calling for the sole purpose to hopefully have this person give me money not extend an invitation to partner with God spreading His message to the unheard. Can you say, “selfishness”? How can I expect God to move in this person heart when I am approaching this in the wrongest mindset. When my prayer is genuine, oh believe me I truly didn’t want to call but I had to step out in obedience, my hope when that conversation was over I got a donation. I’m not praying in the sense of trusting God to provide the money I’m more asking out of selfish desire for this person to provide money because Lord and I know you have the capability. And yet by me making the phone call grew me in obedience and allowed me to truly experience the physical presence of the Spirit there during that phone call. Remarkable, I know. God shows His loving kindness and purpose regardless of our motives and continues to teach through it all.
Listen folks, God is the Creator of life. You go to a job, 8-5, and every week or 2 weeks get a paycheck. I get a paycheck too just my job is a bit different then what I and most of Americans seem to believe is defined as a job. Again God is the creator of EVERYTHING. That means that green paper in your wallet, in your bank accounts, shoot hidden in the underwear drawer for emergencies is His. Sorry to break it to you. You enter this world bringing nothing and you leave it bringing nothing. That being said I can’t begin to explain, well it’s better I explain it in person then via post, but His purpose won’t lack His supply.
For we only creatures: our role must always be that of patient to agent, female to male, mirror to light, echo to voice. Our highest activity must be response, not initiative. — C.S. Lewis
Where am I going with this you could be wondering? I too wonder about these trains of thought, but just letting the fingers type away is more freeing. Listen I’m sorry if my thoughts and advice on being a believer is not sound doctrine. If you haven’t picked up, I’m no theologian or got that shining MDIV paper ha! I’m just a simple believer jotting down thoughts that come and go. Sometimes I feel pressed on a issue and other times just want to record thoughts in my current stage of life.
I started with the Washer’s quote because aren’t we tired of this world? Turn on the news, skim online and one doesn’t have to go far to see heartache after heartache, natural disaster, political turmoil, poor and homeless, to find death upon death. And yet here we all stand trying to find a way to escape the repetitiveness of work or simply cannot sleep. The continuous outcry for something more sounds deep inside you. Material things, the significant other, the perfect job, MONEY the world yells at you and yet it doesn’t satisfy.
One of my favorite people across the pond sent me this scripture, Psalms 56:12-13:
“I will fulfill my vows to you, O God, and will offer a sacrifice of thanks for your help. For you have rescued me from death; you have kept my feet from slipping. So now I can walk in your presence, O God, in your life-giving light.”
I hope you begin to wonder and see the truth. We all, the created, continuously look to created things to fulfill us when we should be looking at the Creator to fulfill us. Why settle for trash in the street when we called to dine at the feast?