Doubting Thomas

We believe the world was made by a God who is a community of persons who have loved each other for all eternity. You were made for mutually self-giving, other-directed love. Self-centeredness destroys the fabric of what God has made. –Tim Keller

Doubting Thomas

What’s going on?! I spent a good bit in Revelations and John basically had a, John the Revelator month. During this month doubt was fired at me constantly. I mean am I the only one that doubts? Probably not. What’s sad is that God has blessed me with a passion for sharing His Truth. Specifically wanting to share with people in music festivals, and I’m out here pissed that I got to be out in this country for another 3yrs. Pissed could be harsh term, but it’s birth out of my doubt in His timing.

Now that being said I know there will be an uproar on why I’m focusing on those people, and I’m gonna love all the opportunities He gives me to share His truth with christian brothers and sisters advising me, I’m a fool.  Probably should star this for the future when I’m discouraged. I remember the festivals like it was yesterday: The music echoing and vibin’ from the speakers. The artist rolling through VIP like they own the place. The mass of people from all over coming to unite and “worship the music” or year after year continuously gathering because “It never gets old”. The point. When I was at my lowest at one of these festivals God reached out His hand manifested His presence to me to save me from my own destruction. That was His divine interaction. My saving miracle.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. — Romans 8:26-30

What if a group of believers purposely went inside the festivals to not be another attendee, vendor, or artist but bringer of the Gospel? To meet the droves of people searching for “experiences”, happiness, and freedom and actually let them hear, see, and meet the True Living Waters to quench their desires and longings. To clothe the naked because man when you rolling clothes start dropping. When you high on some of that new good good the after crash is worsening, so lets be there to comfort. What if not looking down on them we simply love them like God loves and wants them back. Jesus ate with prostitutes, tax collectors, a.k.a “the sinners”. What would it look like to realize they’re worth knowing Him and having a signpost point to the Truth of Christ in the fields?

“But How inconsistent unbelief always is! I had no doubt but that if I prayed for fellow-workers, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, they would be given. I had no doubt but that, in answer to such prayer, the means for our going forth would be provided, and that doors would be opened before us in unreached parts of the Empire. But I had not then learned to trust God for keeping power and grace for myself, so no wonder I could not trust Him to keep others who might be prepared to go with me. I feared that amid the dangers, difficulties and trials necessarily connected with such work, some comparatively inexperienced Christians might break down, and bitterly reproach me for encouraging them to undertake an enterprise for which they were unequal.” — Hudson Taylor

Taylor’s words show his realization of God’s hand in preparation for an enterprise that would birth many workers living and sharing in China. This is helpful to understand that “The Greats” in my mind where humans like me and after continual pursuit and reliance on the Lord during seasons of doubt received understanding, peace, and joy. Yes, I will lift up this passion and if it’s the will of God to use me or simply have you go, I beseech you to join me in praying for the salvation, clarity on this enterprise, and patience in God while He reforms me for His mission. Every 4:20 I have the alarm set to lift up my ex fellow compadres out in the dark valley, highly recommend it. In addition, Lord straight speaking through Habakkuk when the doubt arises where my heart needs to be concern:

“Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places.” — Habakkuk 3:17-19

‘Take joy in the God of my salvation.” That is the charge I want you to do when you see the waves of doubt rise:

  • ‘Will not find a wife as I grow older’,
  • ‘Is this the right job for me’,
  • ‘I can’t be clean as the Bible says, I know how dirty I am.
  • ‘My abilities are not at the right level or non existent for the task He gives me’
  • ‘The further I step toward obedience and deeper inland the further lost I become’

The Blood of Christ covers all sins and unrighteousness (1 John 1:7) Don’t excuse this as the “Christian” answer but remember F-A-I-T-H, faith y’all! You suppose Peter walked on water, the woman who suffered from bleeding for 12 years, Apostle Thomas overcame their doubt on their own?? Encountering, Interacting, stepping out in faith in His Spirit allowed them to see beyond the doubt that He was there. He is doing a work we can’t understand and it’s beyond our imagination.

Home is everywhere for us who call upon the Lord, because this earth ain’t our home. You can be patient in prayer.



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