The Light

Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, ” I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” — John 8:12

If you just clicked on this post, this blog post is second part in a series on the idea: ABIDE. Highly recommend reading the first part before continuing onward, CLICK HERE FOR PART 1: THE BREAD. To stay with the continuity ya know?

Abide in Jesus.

It’s crazy how God reveals himself at times. Like I can reflect over this month and can say it was stressful, filled with doubt, anxiety, fear, worry, and struggles; YET, He drew me in deeper during this season. I can’t quite explain the deeper peace I have in me now out of the valley. When people think God is just a Sunday once a week responsibility, a personal genie supposed to give you what you want, disciplinary, or abusive Father causing you to walk on eggshells fearful not to evoke His wrath…Oh how you wrong!! I don’t have that all surpassing knowledge of the ALMIGHTY CREATOR, but please don’t mistake God from the “god” you created and fabricated from some scriptures here and there or your own thoughts or failings. He not jumping when you say jump doesn’t conclude God ain’t real.

Some people ask who they are and expect that feelings to tell them. But feelings are flickering flames that fade after every fitful stimulus. Some people ask who they are and expect their achievements to tell them. But the things we accomplish always leave a core of character unrevealed. Some people ask who they are and expect visions of their ideal self to tell them. But our visions can only tell us what we want to be, not what we are — Lewis Smedes

Smedes touches on that peace inside our heart. That other self in your head where once you achieve that stage of life or goal you become it. Where happiness awaits you and all the hard work pays off because you now can live the life, that “other” Nikolai. My visioned self, like yours, is a fabrication of our best not possessing many of our weaknesses. Strolling around on that future side of the mountain where the grass is always greener is not life rather that “side” presents a false sense of reality. After shedding some light in the dark recesses of my mind, I see my longing isn’t satisfied any longer with the fabrication; yet, desires the light of life. Jesus in His Sermon on the Mount says:

The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!Matthew 6:22-23

Christ has the above verse sandwich between the points:

  1. Look at your heart and in what it delights in needs to be in heavenly eternal things
  2. Your heart’s allegiance, service, or loyalty is one master/lord.

Our eyes have a unique function in our lives. I mean without them we blind. If they not working properly then we can’t see colors or know our direction. Could conclude: life’s experiences become partly handicapped. One can say if you are blind you experience a false sense of reality, because you can’t see it fully. Like a complete human is experiencing “true” reality after the fall (Genesis 3). Ha! I can say my eyes have gotten me into more trouble I would care to admit. I love how Jesus is hinting that our heart is misguided by the eyes, and if not checked can lead to some ramifications. You wake up one day saying, “How I get here?”

It’s fun how I return to these post and wonder at times, “hmm, I kinda see my train of thought here; yet, why I wrote that…must have a point. Ha!” Since this post revolves about light I’ll record a conversation I had with God over a walk the other night:

I’m walking along the Zhujiang river. My scenery has people taking pics with the tower, old ladies dancing/working out to some Chinese tune, and others slapping themselves as they walk. Literally, they slap their bodies to get the blood flowing. Not making this sheet up. haha! Anywho my convos with God usually revolves around some praying for nonbelievers, a bro or sister, then habitually moves to my own doubts and fears. I beseech him to answer me and take away what is not His spirit, so basically I want Him to remove, me. Sadly, I still remained present, but I asked for him to just speak. He is alive and loving, so speak. Time and time again one does all the talking you realize to hear someone you got to shut the hole between the two ears and use that sense of hearing. I kept walking and you know just listened.

I heard the water slosh against the side of the bank. I heard the *ding, ding* of the floating lighthouse signal in the middle of the river. The person on the bike rang their bell as they passed. I heard Mandarin and Cantonese. I looked at the path of the river how it widened out as I progressed West. I could see across the river, the other bank in Tianhe, very easily, but as I passed a bridge the bank seemed further away. I walked and for the first time notice the lit path of lamps along the river. I peered further into the distance of the river and see a lit path along the water in both directions. He spoke in my soul/thoughts:

“Don’tcha see how I’m always lighting your path? I want you present. You are in China. Never would you have imagined, but I brought you here. As you travel onward I am with you guiding and lighting your path. The river widens, life throws a curve or a break; and yet, my light is always there.”

I can’t remember clearly my thinking when I was away from God. I remember a fog, thanks to the ganja, but I remember clearly my desires I abided in never satisfied me.

Do you not know that there comes a midnight hour when every one has to throw off his mask? Do you believe that life will always let itself be mocked? Do you think you can slip away a little before midnight in order to avoid this? Or are you not terrified by it? — Soren Kierkegaard


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